ok so like usual, i've been confused lately. i guess thats the whole point in growing up. to be lost and confused and fight your way through it because i guess thats just the way stubborn kids like us learn to live through it all. maybe not so much live through it all as find a way to enjoy it all. they say that these are the best years of our lives, so why ruin them while we're in them. we'll never have anything to compare to for the better because this is it, this is the better. but its just so new and different. its not like anything. and yea im afraid of making this huge change in everything ive ever known but thats all life is. big changes that lead you to the next place or the next year. so this is all i've come up with so far - throughout it all, close your eyes and jump in head first because if you dont, you'll miss the excitement of plunging through the air and being weightless. all you'll feel is hitting the bottom. so go ahead and dive in because this is your only chance to. don't get stuck at the top and hold up your life but don't concentrate on where the bottom is. just have some trust in the people who are lined by your side, holding your hand and shutting their eyes, just as eager as you are to jump in. so go for it, because if you dont youve got everything to loose.

 so i decided that there is a song that goes with how i'm thinking and, of course, its by the format. that band just continues to read my mind, and well, feelings for that matter. so heres some lyrics from the song Let's Make This Moment a Crime:

we just got to take our time
its like nothing really matters,
so lets make this moment a crime
i know, i know you’re left behind

i’ll do my best to feel broke down
its been a minute, a second,
i’ll wait for you to come around
but i know, i know you’re taking time

maybe its just too late
(i’ve gotta get away)
everything feels the same
tell me it's not too late
(i’ve gotta away)
tell me its not to late

on and on and on you wait
and all the days, they fade away
and all the nights,
they’ve never felt the same
if i was wrong then i was wrong
and on and on and on and on
the things we do are never gonna change

well you haven’t got a lot to say
but you never want to stop
you always want to feel this way
i know i know you’re taking time

we wait forever,
if ever, you’re too hip to saying never
i’ll never get it,
oh i shouldnt sweat it
like it matters, its over,
yeah at least till you come over
so much for shutters,
we're living under covers

maybe its just too late
when everything feels the same
tell me its not too late

on and on and on you wait
and all the days, they fade away
and all the nights,
they’ve never felt the same
if i was wrong then i was wrong
and on and on and on and on
the things we do are never gonna change

The Format:

I can't stand to think about
A heart so big it hurts like hell
Oh my God, I gave my best
But for three whole years, it could
End like this?

Well, do you want to fall apart?
I can't stop if you can't start
Do you want to fall apart?
Well, I could if you can't try to fix what I've undone
'Cause I hate what I've become
You know me
Or you think you do,
You just don't seem to see
I've been waiting all this time to be
Something I can't define, so let's
Cause a scene
Clap our hands and stomp our feet
Or something, yeah, something,
I just got to get myself over me

I could stand to do without
All the people I had left behind
What's the point in going round
When it's a straight line, baby,
A straight line down

So let's make a list of who we need
And it's not much, if anything
Let's make a list of who we need,
And we'll throw it away 'cause we don't need anyone
No, we don't need anyone
And I hate what I've become
You know the night life is just not for me
'Cause all you really need are a few good friends
I don't want to go out and be on my own
You know they started something I can't stand
You leave for the city,
Well, count me out
'Cause all this time is wasted on
Everything I've done

i fooled the crowd
when i made it sound like i was more then ready
i’m trying to find truth
in words, in rhymes, in notes
in all the things i wish I’d wrote
cause i feel like i’ve been losing you

i read your last entry
over-privileged kids keep crying
the need to fit in is harder
when living life from a screen
i’m trying to find truth
in words, in rhymes, in notes
in all the things i wish id wrote
cause i feel like i’ve been losing you
each night it ends too soon
you don’t hold me like you used to
and your eyes look like they’ve seen too much
its always some excuse
too tired, too obtuse
you look so far removed
this time i fear i’m losing you
i need a reason to let go
an intervention, a lullaby
something to cure me please believe me

everyone wants to stand out in some way or another

well most people i guess

and i'll say you can't define me because thats how i wish i could feel

but deep down you do because i take in every word that spills from your lips

i guess thats what they call sensitive

and there you go labeling me sensitive and so what if i am

but most people want to be defined by you as someone different

not bad different but you want to stand out as an individual

i guess thats what i wanted most, to show people i more than just a label

more than a lost cause

and it was ok because i felt like i was being a better person everyday

but suddenly everything stopped and turned

so now i am different in the worst of ways

i stand out as the outsider i guess

well for most people anyway

and i try to be nice and i try to fit in

but i guess nice doesnt cut it anymore because there is always someone else

someone better to be with than me

i can stand in a crowd of people that know me and each would have someone better

i guess i'm just lost for now

because i've been going lower and lower

they say "the need to fit in is harder
when living life from a screen"

so i guess we're all living this perfect life and loosing ourselves

but i just keep feeling like a worse and worse person

not a bad person but a person thats bad at everything

there is always something and someone better than this

so here i go into this screen play

where we try to find some kind of truth in a script of lies

its all different now

i'm so far removed i just dont know anymore

i tried as hard as i could

to keep this from falling apart

to make him happy and feeling whole

but he stopped caring about me

and its all going down hill

along with my heart